i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
