i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
