the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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