a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
