Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
