chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
only if we run a train.
done.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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