i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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