I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
