my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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