So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
