There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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