Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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