WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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