just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
