She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Randomize
