Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
