did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
