She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
