so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
