new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my shit smells like andre
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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