Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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