How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
