My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
