Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
did i just pee glitter
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
