the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
