I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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