As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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