I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
