I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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