I'm going to jail i love you
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You can't motorboat a personality
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
