I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
