I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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