I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
