just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
