we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
