just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
