I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
