I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
