uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
