Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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