My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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