she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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