I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
