literally had 100 drinks last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
