Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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