No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
