i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
