Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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