Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
