We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
