my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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